People who have been abused in any way try to find any means of escape. What if there was an escape route through their mind and a positive belief system! Everybody wants something to believe in and someone to show them unconditional love, This book will give them examples of how a girl names Abigail made it through by escaping through her mind.
The Predators and Their Prey
The Poem Before the Chapter
Why be bound
Why be bound by life?
Is it because there is so much bitterness and strife?
Why be bound within?
Is it because we all have and are gone sin?
Why be bound by a bad memory?
Is it because you can see it so vividly?
Why be bound at all?
Don’t you know the trick of the enemy?
His goal is to ensure we fall
Why be bound I ask, Why be bound?
We are bound because we choose to be,
But is that the plan God has for you and me?
Why am I bound Lord I really want to know
Please help me see it Lord so I can grow.
The predators and their prey
Life began when I was 10 years old, a little girl who was
filled with joy, love, a desire to succeed, and an attitude of “I can
do the impossible”. Like many children my age I was a visionary,
I had dreams of becoming someone of great stature, and had
always loved to help others and had a set goal to become a Great
writer or actress one day. One Day I thought, but it seemed that
day would never come. It was snatched away in an instant, right before my very eyes.
Like many girls my age, I began growing out of my child like
figure into a young woman; and did not know that I would soon
attract unwanted attention from a predator within. My stepdad,
the one I call the (Predator) often time arrived home before my
mother or would have off days to be there alone with me.
I never suspected anything unusual from him, so all the looks
that I felt he was giving me were ignored and perceived as
harmless in my eyes. One day as I was getting out of the shower I
heard someone trying to come into the bathroom. Startled
because I knew we were the only people in the house, I began screaming “I am in Here” wondering why he is trying to come into a bathroom that is solely for my room.
The Predator hearing my scream continued to force his way
into the bathroom anyway. I then got louder as I noticed him
watching me through the see through shower curtain, saying “I
know you heard me say I’m in here”. The Predator then yelled
catching a visual of my youthfulness Saying, “I didn’t hear you”
With a devilish grin as he walked away.
As time went on the bathroom walk-ins became more frequent
and scary to me, because it seemed that he would always come
into the bathroom after I had finished bathing. I became
completed annoyed by the walk-ins and wanted to tell my
mother, but was unsure if what I told would be believed.
A few days had passed, and the bathroom visits became
physical sessions and per his request I couldn’t dare tell anyone
or he would kill me. After the predator was done with me, I ran
outside to wait on my mother to come home, so that I could tell
her about all of the unwanted attention I had been receiving from
the predator within I knew that it was going to be a challenge because it was
always hard to talk to my mother, and it seemed as if she never
really gave me notice anyway. A few moments of sitting on the
porch in fear, my mother arrived home looking exhausted from
work. The Predator knowing what was about to be said, stated he
was leaving to go to his brother’s house.
I felt like since he was gone, this would be a great opportunity
to talk to my mother. So I went into my mother’s room and began
to tell her all the horrifying things I had been experiencing while
she was away working.
Lucy (Abigail’s mom) looked as if she was shocked by what
she heard, but the truth of it all was she did not believe anything
that I was saying. I sat there patiently awaiting a response from
her, but what I thought would be a solution to all of my problems
turned out to be a horrifying dilemma.
She sat there contemplating for a minute, and finally a
response. “Girl nobody has tried to touch you nor wants to look
at you, you are a child… GET OUT OF MY ROOM!” In disbelief
I ran to my room in total shock and cried myself to sleep, hoping
I never woke up to see the dawn of the brand new day. The Predator figured nothing would be done about his advances,
so he continued to do as he pleased to me. I noticed him watching
my every move and this drove me partially insane. One night as I
was sleeping I noticed The Predator turn off my bathroom light,
as well as dimming my television.
I ignored it because I thought maybe the lights were bothering
him being that his and my mother’s room was directly across
from mine, in fear I threw the covers over my head hoping that he
would return to his room.
Breathing erratically under the blanket, I felt a cold touch come
up my leg into my mid-section; I did not know what was going
on at the time because I had never been sexually active or felt a
touch like that before. I then jumped up, “what are you doing”, I
yelled the Predator then crawled into the hallway and ran into the
Kitchen as if he was in there the whole time. Horrified, I ran into
my mother’s room with tears in my eyes screaming, “MOM”
“MOM, He just touched me again”, but Lucy just laid there in the
bed as if she were dead asleep. I continued to scream in my mother’s face and she finally
awoke saying “Girl what is it”? Crying and screaming I said,
“Mom he tried to touch me” and she asked “Who tried to touch
you, are you on that again?” I answered “The predator mom, he
really has been touching me”. My mother then yelled saying “Go
back to sleep no one is trying to touch you”.
I became enraged and angry with my mother because I couldn’t
understand why she did not believe me, my thoughts were she
hated me and I didn’t know why. I couldn’t go back to sleep, so I
wandered around in the hallway. I heard my eldest brother calling
my name, so I went in and sat on the bed with him.
Fearful to return to my room because I could imagine what
would happen next, I asked if I could sleep in his bed for the rest
of the night. My brother agreed because he saw the fear in my
eyes, he then placed his arms around my shoulder and said lay
here sister, I will protect you. Night after night I would experience forceful sexual conduct,
but knew of no one to tell that I thought could believe me, so the
only thing I could do was to lie there, cry, and take it. As the
years of abuse went on, I was irritated with life and started to
grow bitter. I began acting out in school, starting fights with
family members, and shutting everyone out around me because I
felt like no one cared and if they did… Why aren’t they helping
Some nights were better than others for me, because my sister
would come home to visit not leaving me to sleep in the bed
alone. I did not want to tell her about what was going at the time;
because I was afraid thinking my sister would not believe me
either, so I kept it to myself.
After the weekend was over, my sister had to leave to return to
school and oh how sad I got. It was like my sister could sense
something, because every night she would place he back upon
my back and he feet upon mine and we would pretend like we
were shielded by an unknown force. So to see her leave was detrimental. After she left, the touching
and bedroom visits became more and more frequent but who
could I tell? Who would believe me? I tried telling neighborhood
friends and School social workers but that did not help. I tried
showing the teachers something was wrong by acting out, but
instead of someone asking what the problem was; they would put
me into in school suspension getting into even more trouble when
I got home.
After arriving home from school, I noticed that the predator and
his friend were there. I felt as if it was okay to go into the house
because he had someone over, but oh boy was I wrong. The
predator and his friend both began making advances at me and
offered me money to do explicit things. Scared that both men
would abuse me, I ran as fast as I could to a friend’s house. In
shock, I began to have a seizure in the middle of the road.
My friends starred at me laughing as if I were going crazy, but
little did they know I was actually having a seizure . As I lay in
the street shaking and foaming at the mouth for about 30 minutes
the ambulance was called, and I was rushed to the hospital. An hour later my mother arrived asking what happened as if
she cared, the Doctor then asked had there been anything
traumatic happening to or around me. Lucy stated “no”, and I
looked at her with an evil eye, thinking to my self “are you
kidding me “because she knew she had heard of the Abuse I have
and was enduring.
I cried in fear because I did not want to go home with her, but
all in the same time was quiet about the abuse because I felt as if
the Doctors would not believe me either. The following day after
arriving home from school the predator was there alone and I did
not want to go into the house, so I sat on the porch not even
attempting to take me back pack in.
The predator noticed me sitting on the porch so he then called
Lucy at work telling her to make me come into the house. Lucy
then gave harsh orders to put me on the phone, I was then yelled
at and was told to go into the house immediately! I was deeply
hurt by the phone call and stormed into the house running as fast
as I could to my room. “I want to die”, I shouted while slamming
and locking my door making sure he was not behind me. I then heard the door knob shaking as if someone was trying to
come in, so in an attempt to get away I speedily jumped out of
the bedroom window and hid in the woods near the house until I
came up with a plan. After being in the woods for a while I began
to get hungry so I walked through the neighborhood until I
noticed my mother’s car at home, still in fear of what would
happen I called the police to my home from a friend’s house.
Once the police had arrived, I immediately ran home very
excited thinking the horror was over but by the time I had
reached home my mother had already informed the police
officers that I was going through something’s and to ignore my
little rants. The police then warned me about making false calls
and said if it ever happened again, I would be in big trouble.
After the police left, I was hit numerous times and placed on
punishment being sent to bed without dinner. The following
afternoon when the predator arrived home from work, Lucy was
already waiting in their room for him. She then called me to her room where she and the predator sat
saying “Now tell him what you say he did to you”; I began to cry
hysterically and said I can’t because I might get in trouble. My
mother then yelled saying, “girl nobody is going to do anything
to you, now tell him what you said he did”. Heart pounding and
crying immensely not able to catch a breath, began to tell them
both what he had been doing to me.
I said he would come in nightly and lick me in my mid-section,
and after that he would put his penis in me covering my face with
a pillow, and I would cry loudly screaming for her but she never
answered. After I was done telling of all the horrible things he
had done, they both laughed and said go back to your room. From
this point on I did not know what to do, so I began to punish
myself by cutting my wrist and burning my arms with lighters but
came to realize I was hurting only myself.
My mother began to hear stories from some of the
neighborhood girls, that the predator was also making advances
at them too. Lucy then began to investigate the accusations,
shutting out all female visitors from coming to her house. After school the following day, I arrived home and to my
surprise my sister was there to visit. At this point I felt as though
I could not take it anymore so I ran into the house with a face of
anger hoping my sister Layisha would respond. Layisha then
asked what was wrong; I pulled her to the side in a panic with
pain and tears in my eyes telling her of all the horrible things that
were going on when she is not there.
Layisha began to cry with anger while listening to every
wicked thing that had been happening. She said, “We have to tell
momma” but I told her that I had already tried telling her but she
wouldn’t listen. At this point Layisha is furious, so she stormed
into the kitchen where their mother was and demanded she listen.
Layisha began telling the story for me, and our mother listened
with a careful ear and proceeded to her room in tears.
While she sat in her room, a snake appeared. Lucy then
jumped up running and screaming “It’s a snake in my room”, and
because we knew of her fear for snakes we ran in there but the
snake was gone and at that point she experienced how I felt,
scared and helpless. Layisha knowing God said he sent a sign, so when the predator
had arrived home from work Lucy told him to get his things out
of her house and leave. I was so happy and relieved at the time,
but shortly found out that the happiness was not long lived. A
few weeks later, my mother decided to move away from the
house and neighborhood that had so many daunting memories so
we could have a new start, but to my surprise the predator was
I am now 13 years old and very bitter towards my mother and
the rest of the world. I began talking back to my mother, inviting
boys in the home when she would leave, and just totally gave up
on knowing who I was to become in this life. Trying to make my
mother send to a home or detention center, I just did everything I
knew that was wrong to do because anywhere was better than
home. Feeling like I can’t win laid there nightly letting him have his
way, because I had no more fight left. The following year I began
meeting friends, but did not expect for the meeting of new friends
to be the end to all of my problems with Lucy and the predator. I
began spending the night at my friend Naomi’s house and began
to have an interest in sex with boys, because that was all I knew.
I wanted to have a real experience with a real boy my age, so I
asked Naomi to find me a boyfriend. One night Naomi’s cousin
came over, we had flirted the whole night, but I wasn’t expecting
anything. Later that night as I was sleeping, I felt that same cold
touch in my mid-section and being that had been feeling that type
of touch for years I just laid there.
After noticing it was Naomi’s cousin, and what was taking
place I screamed saying “No”, but it was already too late the
damage was already done. I returned home and invited my
cousin Veronica Over to have a slumber party to discuss the
details about my experience with Naomi’s cousin. After we were done talking, Veronica told me she was sleeping
in the living area because she liked my maternal cousin and
wanted to be where he was. I was alone in my room hoping
Veronica would come back, but the predator did not come in my
room on this night. In the middle of the night as I was sleeping, a
hysterical Veronica was standing over me. I thought it was the
predator so I yelled “Leave me alone”.
Veronica then yelled “It’s me and I want to go home NOW!”I
didn’t know what was going on, so I got up and walked her home
without a clue or understanding as to why but I knew it was
something very bad because it was 3 am. The following day I went
to Veronica’s house to see if I could speak with her, but her
mother came to the door and told me that Veronica could not and
did not want to come outside. She then turned over to tell him to stop, but as she looked up
she saw the predator stooping at the couch side, she jumped
giving off a low yell and he ran into the Kitchen. I knew that she
was telling the truth because I had never told her about me, and
she described his actions perfectly. I then begin to tell her that he
had been doing the same thing to me for years.
Veronica then took my hand dragging me to talk to her mother
and father, and what they heard they could not believe. They
were disgusted; they demanded I stay at their house and called
the police and Department of children’s services to get help.
Finally I am free from this chapter at last or was I really…..
There is always a ram in the bush!